Zim as Seinfeld
by HeroineCruor
Summary: What if the characters and the setting in Invader Zim had that special Seinfeld flair to it? Well, here's my take on that concept! Written in half an hour, because I don't have a life. OneShot.


Zim sits in his base reading the Earth newspaper as GIR walks into the room.

"Hi, master."

"Hi, GIR."

_(Laughing track)_

GIR walks up to one of the cupboard and takes out a cereal box. Zim notices and yells.

"No, GIR! Those are expired!" To which GIR responds by inspecting the box.

"How does cereal become expired, anyway, Master? It's not like it's milk."

_(Laughing track)_

"Well, cereal is often used _with _milk, so might as well throw it out when we're out of milk or when it becomes expired." Zim replies, still eyeing the paper he's holding.

"But what if I use milk for something after it's expired?" GIR inquires as he pulls out a giant spoon, opens his head and spoons out a giant glob which is unmistakably said product.

"Then keep the cereal, and… ah, whatever! This conversation is so stupid!"

_(Laughing track)_

Suddenly in bursts a smelly human, with a very recognizable large size of a head, surprising and angering Zim… by just walking in through the door.

"Zim, I'm gonna stop yuh dis time!" Dib speaks for some reason with a Brooklyn accent.

"From continuing this useless line of dialogue? Yes, please!" Zim snarks.

_(Laughing track)_

"Anyway," GIR completely ignores the intruding loser, "How did your comedy routine the other night go, Master?" the SIR unit said as he threw the rotten milk into a bowl along with the expired cereal. Then he took two bread slices and put the bowl in-between.

_(Laughing track)_

"Oh, you know", Zim grins, cocky, "The usual stuff works with these cretins."

Cutaway to Zim standing on a lit stage, spotlight on him, as he talks into a mic to a room full of people.

"You know humans, right? How they're- I mean, _we_ are so predictably weak it's almost ridiculous?"

The audience laughed, somehow before he reached the punchline.

"Well, KILLABLE IS MORE LIKE IT!"

The audience laughed again, even though it wasn't a joke.

"IT'S LIKE THEY WALK AROUND BEING LIKE: 'HEY, KILL ME, PLEASE!' I mean, somehow, someway, sooner or later you're gonna die, right? So you might as well cut to the chase. It should be more like: 'HEY, KILL ME PL-BOOM!'" Zim says as he mimicked cocking a gun. "That also spares you from saying useless human courtesy like: 'You're welcome'!"

The audience laughed so hard they almost peed themselves, because it was just that funny.

"Also, you should all die. I'm gonna kill you all." Zim continued, as the audience barely had time to catch their breath, causing them again to riot into laughter.

_(Laughing track)_

Cut back to Zim's base.

"One day I'm gonna kill them with laughter, and I will rule the Earth!" Zim chuckles.

_(Laughing track)_

"Not if I can help it!" Dib quips as he goes to tackle Zim, who just responds by stepping aside, as said human tumbles onto the floor.

"By being a complete bore? I guess you really are a threat then." Zim expresses sarcastically, having people roll on the floor with laughter by being a complete jerk. We all wish we could do the same for a living, really. "But really, you are a complete loser. Everyone hates you, your head is big, and to fit this story, you're also bald and have an unattractive Brooklyn accent! What could you possibly do to defeat someone as charismatic and amazing as me?"

"By bawhin' yuh tuh death?" Dib answers, to which GIR laughs.

"Yeah, he could make a living off of that! I think it's called being a 'mime'!" The robot squeals.

_(Laughing track)_

"Stop, GIR! Don't give him ideas! It will be my next plan if this one fails…"

_(Laughing track)_

The door opens and Gaz comes in, holding a GameSlave. The audience cheers for some reason.

"I'm only in this story because I was promised a GameSlave One if I participated. So, yeah, I'm the token girl I guess, and I go out with guys because I'm a girl, and I work as an editor. How do you all do?" She talks monotonously.

"Yeah, just fine, I'm wallowin' in mud and self pity. Feel sawhry fawh me!" Dib pleads.

_(Laughing track)_

"Yeah, no. But I can help you into the mud if you want." Gaz says.

_(Laughing track)_

"I'm going out to eat some squirrels and do random crap, 'cuz that's what I do after all! Heeheehee!" GIR took the rest of the cereal. "Oh, and I'm taking this cereal with me." He continues and leaves the base after putting on his puppy suit.

_(Laughing track)_

"What'd he say? 'See you real'?" Dib asks, scratching his bald head.

"I think he said 'See real'." Gaz comments.

"Why do those wawhds sound so similar?" Says Dib.

_(Laughing track)_

"Oh, My Tallest! I can't believe we're back to this stupid conversation! …I wonder if there's any milk left?" Zim says as he rummages through the cupboard.

"Try looking in the cereal." Suggests Gaz.

_(Laughing track x10)_

Cut to Zim doing a comedy routine again.

"So what I learnt from this is that milk and cereal go together… and stuff. I guess they should call it mireal!"

The audience roars with laughter for some reason.

"And then mish mash the little flakes until they're completely disintegrated into the milk. Then it's not mireal anymore! It's regular milk!"

One person in the audience laughed so hard he got a heart attack and died. Upon noticing, Zim smiles to himself._ At least these lame jokes are paying off._

"I'm gonna conquer your filthy Planet and send it to Planet Irk to make it suitable for our living conditions! THEN YOU'RE GONNA DIE!... from laughter, that is!" Zim screams into the mic.

The audience laughed for the millionth time. For no reason. The millionth time for no reason.

One person yelled from his seat, one who had an exceptionally large northern extremity.

"YOU SUCK!"

The rest of the audience boo'd at said person.

"YOU LIE!" Zim hit back while pointing at him.

The audience laughed at his amazing comeback.

After this whole spectacle was over, they did something predictable for this sitcom's standards and ended up in jail. But then they died. So they went to death jail.

I guess you can call it a post-mortem incarceration!

_**(Laughing track x100000000000)**_

* * *

**A/N: ****I unironically enjoy Seinfeld, but I have to admit I sometimes don't understand the humor. So I made a little joke about it, intermingled with our beloved Irken and his hilarious sitcom life. I hope you liked it xD**

**You can probably piece out who was supposed to be whom.**

**Have a relaxing sunday!**


End file.
